“The person didn’t say much, and I was like, ‘Yes, on the duhduhduh floor, duhduhduh floor! Apartment duhduhduh!’ And he was like, ‘Uh… hello?’ I said, ‘Yes, duhduhduh floor!’ He said, ‘Uh… this is Barry.’ I said, ‘Barry?’ And I looked at all the texts: ‘The president is calling you right now! The president!’ Like literally, I has missed all my managers texting me that Obama’s about to call me in a second. […]
Even he said, ‘Uh, well, you think I’m, uh, Postmates?’ And I was like, ‘Wait, you know what Postmates is?’ You know what, though? I was so hungry at the time, I kinda wished it was Postmates.”