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<blockquote data-quote="Roomba" data-source="post: 57793" data-attributes="member: 157">Frankly--and I can't be sure of this without knowing you, but just going by the description and thinking of guys I've encountered--you probably come off as a bit of a dick when you first meet women, and that's why they don't like you. Saying women don't like a guy's intellectual side is just...fairly close to sexist, as if &quot;most&quot; women don't have an intellectual side and don't find intelligence attractive. Even if that were true, you keep saying you're witty or funny, and I know as a woman who likes women that the best way to hook a woman is to be funny. Not try to be funny, but to be naturally funny. With the type of humor I imagine most INTJs probably have and with what I've experienced with a lot of guys upon first meeting them, I'd really guess you don't actually come off as funny as you think you do to women when you first meet them. Men's sense of humor is at least slightly different from women's sense of humor, and I've experienced many times that sometimes what a guy thinks is funny when he's speaking around me is actually making him look a little like an @ss. And I think it's fairly easy for INTJs to come off as @sses because we're less emotional than other people and less attuned to other people's emotions.The other thing you have to be careful about as a guy and probably as an INTJ is being intelligent is great but coming off as a know-it-all or arrogant because of your intelligence is not. This is an issue I used to have, and with people I'm really close to I still can have that issue at times. But thinking you're smarter than everyone and/or better because of it, or coming off that way, really hurts men with women because a lot of us feel like men think they're smarter than us by default because they're men. That's what women might not like about you, not the fact that you're intellectual. And like I said, already just in this post, you come off borderline sexist about intelligence. So I can imagine how you come off to women in person.So, this is not a lecture about sexism--it's just meant to help you view this differently, because mentally going down the road you're on is not going to help you with women. I am not sure why so many guys don't seem to understand this, but all you really need to do to attract women--if you don't know how to pull off being the right kind of funny around them--is show interest in them, i.e. ask about them as individuals and listen and compliment. And that's probably what many of the guys you observe who are more successful with women than you do. And it's natural--it's not being less intelligent and more emotional...everyone wants someone who seems interested in them and who listens to them. Understanding this is about having an emotional IQ, and I get an INTJ's not having much of an emotional IQ, but it's something I've definitely had to learn to develop. And in talking to a woman and learning about her, really you should be able to tell from what she says and how she says it how intelligent she is. I can tell highly intelligent people very early in speaking to them or hearing them speak in general (like making comments in class).</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Roomba, post: 57793, member: 157"] Frankly--and I can't be sure of this without knowing you, but just going by the description and thinking of guys I've encountered--you probably come off as a bit of a dick when you first meet women, and that's why they don't like you. Saying women don't like a guy's intellectual side is just...fairly close to sexist, as if "most" women don't have an intellectual side and don't find intelligence attractive. Even if that were true, you keep saying you're witty or funny, and I know as a woman who likes women that the best way to hook a woman is to be funny. Not try to be funny, but to be naturally funny. With the type of humor I imagine most INTJs probably have and with what I've experienced with a lot of guys upon first meeting them, I'd really guess you don't actually come off as funny as you think you do to women when you first meet them. Men's sense of humor is at least slightly different from women's sense of humor, and I've experienced many times that sometimes what a guy thinks is funny when he's speaking around me is actually making him look a little like an @ss. And I think it's fairly easy for INTJs to come off as @sses because we're less emotional than other people and less attuned to other people's emotions. The other thing you have to be careful about as a guy and probably as an INTJ is being intelligent is great but coming off as a know-it-all or arrogant because of your intelligence is not. This is an issue I used to have, and with people I'm really close to I still can have that issue at times. But thinking you're smarter than everyone and/or better because of it, or coming off that way, really hurts men with women because a lot of us feel like men think they're smarter than us by default because they're men. That's what women might not like about you, not the fact that you're intellectual. And like I said, already just in this post, you come off borderline sexist about intelligence. So I can imagine how you come off to women in person. So, this is not a lecture about sexism--it's just meant to help you view this differently, because mentally going down the road you're on is not going to help you with women. I am not sure why so many guys don't seem to understand this, but all you really need to do to attract women--if you don't know how to pull off being the right kind of funny around them--is show interest in them, i.e. ask about them as individuals and listen and compliment. And that's probably what many of the guys you observe who are more successful with women than you do. And it's natural--it's not being less intelligent and more emotional...everyone wants someone who seems interested in them and who listens to them. Understanding this is about having an emotional IQ, and I get an INTJ's not having much of an emotional IQ, but it's something I've definitely had to learn to develop. And in talking to a woman and learning about her, really you should be able to tell from what she says and how she says it how intelligent she is. I can tell highly intelligent people very early in speaking to them or hearing them speak in general (like making comments in class). [/QUOTE]

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